For those of you who are new to coaching or find that the topic of relationship success is one that has alluded you, or that you have some financial challenges, this model of coaching might be just for you. It has been developed so that a number of individuals can get online together and focus on 12 topic areas that are so important to having a great relationship. You will come with your questions and will enter them into the space. I will spend, at the most, 20 minutes teaching on the topic of the month, and then I will facilitate discussions with you all on the topic and on any questions. I will do some quick coaching with each person who has sent in a question, given our allotted time together.
This session is the fundamental need in most relationships… to understand how to communicate well with each other, and REALLY connect! In this session, we will discuss things like differing needs for communication. We will also address challenging communication styles such as indirectness, defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, contempt, mind reading and fixing. Learn to pinpoint problem areas in communication, to really get some insights on how to effectively not only listen to each other, but “hear what the other person is really saying”. Be the kind of partner where your partner feels understood.
Here we will get into the details of understanding the automatic assumptions we make when we communicate. This involves unhelpful things like jumping to a conclusion because of someone’s body language, and making an automatic judgment without questioning or confirming if your assumption is correct. We will also look at dealing with assumptions that are rooted from your past history that you may be projecting onto a current relationship. Perhaps this is the reason why you have trouble maintaining relationships in the first place, because this has become an obstacle for you to sustain healthy long term relationships. We will discuss your specific situation as I coach to your particular area of concern re: assumptions.
In this session, we will discuss some of the negative thinking patterns you might have that may be blocks toward healthy relationships. Perhaps you believe you are unlovable, or that you are always abandoned, or not good looking enough, or hate yourself, or sabotage relationships. We will examine together what areas of negative thinking apply to you and you will be given tools and assignments to break the unhealthy patterns of negative thinking to get you back on track!
When we enter a relationship, we are often unaware of our hidden expectations. It is only after a period of time being with someone that these hidden expectations arise, creating possible tension or conflict in the relationship. This could be something as simple as expecting one person to take care of all the domestic responsibilities. But if these expectations are not discussed and agreed upon, the hidden expectation will leak out onto the other person who was oblivious of your expectation, often clashing with their own opposing expectations. We will discuss how to identify expectations, get them out into the open in the relationship, and determine what is reasonable together for the responsibilities each person will take on in the relationship.
Conflict is inevitable if you are going to have a real, rather than the ideal perfect relationship. No relationship will be the perfect fairy tale, even if some come close! You will always face differences of opinions or open conflict. Someone will fail another in the relationship in some way, and grace and forgiveness are natural and necessary parts of relationships to build healthy lasting, and intimate relationships! We will discuss these issues in this session.
Effective Confrontation Skills
Following along with the previous session on conflict and forgiveness, an important piece of the puzzle is knowing some effective confrontation skills, that involve honesty, truthfulness, caring, concern, respect for each other, and effective listening skills and the ability to empathize with what the other person’s point of view is. Confrontation does not need to be a yelling and screaming match. Learn effective confrontation skills in this session to disarm both your own and your partner’s defenses and discuss conflict out of a position of mutual respect for each other.
Trust is a BIG deal in relationships! It is important to be open and honest with each other. It is important to understand how to identify who is trustworthy and how to find safe people in which to connect with and build a caring relationship built on trust. Keep in mind, trust takes time to develop. Trust must not be immediately assumed. In this session we will discuss matters of trust. Are you a trustworthy person? If not, we will discuss tools to help you become a more trustworthy and safe person! Is your partner trustworthy? We will discuss the characteristics of someone who is trustworthy and address your own particular issues concerning trust.
What are you looking for? Just a fun time or a one night stand? If so, this program is not for you. This program is designed for people who are looking to find and sustain a committed healthy long term relationship. We will discuss the importance of commitment in this session and just what that means to each party involved. We will discuss past and current issues with commitment and the roots behind it and ways to overcome the hurdles and obstacles you face when it comes to the subject of commitment. We will address your fears and concerns and explore them together.
Safeguarding Your Relationship
Many relationships have been broken or damaged by intruders into the marriage or committed relationship. Affairs and sexual addiction or alcoholism among others can be major players to allow for your relationship to become unsafe. Learn how to affair proof your relationship and work together to keep your relationship strong, rather than going to outside sources. Learn the roots to addiction that prevent you from experiencing the intimacy you seek.
Giving and Receiving Love
It is important in any healthy relationship that there is a natural give and take in the relationship. But believe it or not, there are things that get in the way of giving and receiving love. One person may have an extremely low self-esteem and has trouble receiving any loving action from their partner thereby sabotaging intimacy that is so desperately needed and desired. Learn each other’s love languages. How do you feel loved? How does your partner feel loved? Sometimes one person is more assertive in the relationship than the other, and most often dictates how things run in the relationship, not necessarily because of control, but because of the other’s passiveness or lack of ability to take initiative and own their own desires and express their needs! We will discuss these types of issues in this session.
Sabotage & Changing Your Distorted Beliefs
In an earlier session we mentioned distorted thinking, and touched on self or relationship sabotage. In this session we will deal with this a little more in depth and look at how to stop self-sabotaging behavior or relationship sabotage. We will challenge your distorted beliefs and begin training some new and healthier belief systems that will also help increase yours or your partners self-esteem.
Finally, we will look at some great practical ways that you can both learn to work together as a team in your committed relationship or marriage. We will touch on things like the use of questioning, being flexible, compromise, setting priorities that you both have as individuals and as a couple in deciding your goals for your relationship and future plans together. Learn to differentiate between what is your own goal, and what is a ‘team’ goal that you each equally share. Combined with the previous sessions, you should be well on your way to starting to build, or maintain a great relationship! If after these sessions, you still want to stay on with some maintenance coaching to address some of the troubling areas you continue to face, we can discuss this at the end of your twelve month relationship coaching program!
This is a monthly group coaching program that runs once a month for 12 months. The time allotted for the coaching call is 75 minutes. Each person is invited to come with questions from their own lives on the topic we are focusing on. I will teach a maximum of 20 minutes on the topic. This information is based on relationship research. I will also facilitate any discussion of the topic and then do some laser coaching on specific issues you may bring from your own relationships. The cost is $600.00 for the year (which works out to $50.00 per month and includes the taxes) or you may pay on a payment plan which breaks the cost up over the year (2x per year, once at the beginning – $350.00 and once at the 6 month mark – $350.00). I always want my clients to be satisfied with our time together so I will cheerfully refund your money up to the end of our second session together, no questions asked. If this would serve you well contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or by calling 604-940-1646.